


Scars

by Starofwinter



Series: Sweetest Downfall [2]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, fuck Walon Vau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 06:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8833312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: "Why, you going to report me for damaging Republic property?  Tell them I’m defective?”





	

It’s a rare moment when they aren’t arguing or ignoring each other or fucking, just lying together, too lazy and sated to move.  Atin rarely pays much attention to the state of Sev’s skin when he isn’t trying to leave as many marks on it as he can, but as his hand drifts over it, soaking in as much contact as he can before they part, he feels rippling patterns of lines over his thighs.  They’re faint scars, far too even and light to be shrapnel or the like.  When he glances down and sees the even, perfect hash marks standing out in pale scar tissue against darker skin, there’s only one thing he can think - this was done deliberately, either to him or  _ by him _ , and he isn’t sure which would be worse.

He bites back the sudden fury on Sev’s behalf, and manages to keep his voice calm when he speaks.  “Who did this?” he asks, and tenses at his hiss, waiting for him to snap.  It doesn’t happen though, and Sev just shrugs one shoulder, going almost suspiciously relaxed.

“I did.  Why, you going to report me for damaging Republic property?  Tell them I’m defective?”  There’s an edge to his voice as he flings the words at him, and Atin knows if he fucks this up, this - whatever  _ this  _ is, both of them tearing each other apart and breaking into too many pieces to ever be really fixed - it’s over.  

Instead of answering at first, he bites Sev’s shoulder.  “You know I’m damn well not.  I’m-”  He’s  _ worried _ about him, is the problem.  He doesn’t want him to hurt, and it’s obvious that this is  _ pain _ speaking.  “ _ Why _ ?”

Sev sighs, all the fight draining out of him, and he traces a finger along the scars Vau left on Atin’s chest.  “He taught us that bleeding, it makes it right.  You bleed, you hurt, and you remember the lesson better.  So when the sergeant wasn’t around, I had to do it myself.  Couldn’t ask one of the others to do it.  It  _ does _ make things right.  Makes sure I remember it all.  It’s easier to move on after.  You never did get the hang of that part, did you?”  

The accusation, at any other time, would lead to a wall-shaking fight, but right now, Atin’s concern overrides his anger.  “You don’t have to do this to yourself, you know?”  He doesn’t bring up the nights he stayed awake on Kamino, fighting the urge to do the exact same thing, imagining the blade biting into his skin, relief and  _ forgiveness  _ following in its wake.  “Doesn’t have to be like that anymore.”  He doesn’t know how to make Sev believe that, but he wants to try anyway.

“You don’t know that.  You don’t need to anymore, they forgive you without even thinking about it.”  He doesn’t sound bitter or resentful about it, the way he usually would, he just sounds… resigned.  “Forget it, Atin, it doesn’t matter.”

_ It does _ , Atin wanted to say,  _ you do _ .  But he knows it would only push Sev away, so he drops back down, touching their foreheads together in a display of intimacy neither of them will ever speak about, and closes his eyes.


End file.
